Freedom Is Now!

A short ramble...I don’t know how to begin, I guess all just begin with saying I’m battling, I say I’m all about the love & the peace which I am wholeheartedly but I am having conflicting emotions. I feel such anger and it’s an anger that is so new to me and I’m trying to figure out how to deal with it. I hate this feeling. I know that all of you come to my site to feel good but at the same time this is my journey and I cannot hide from my feelings. I can be filled with anger to the point where it feels like my own blood is boiling yet still be peaceful.

I’ve struggled with being open about these latest feeling of mine because I know how it can make others feel and I don’t like to push my own feelings onto others but I can no longer keep them quiet, I need to express them.. Right now I’m angry, furious in fact that we live in a world where people who are trying to do good, Individuals who believe in love & peace, mothers and fathers who are reaching out in such a selfless way to help those in need, get murdered.

I’m sure you all know about the most recent events that have taken place where Israeli commandos Massacred Freedom Flotilla Activists in international waters. For those of you not informed about this humanitarian effort it was a fleet of Over 9 ships carrying over 700 peace activists and 10,000 tones of aid on their way to break the siege of Gaza, where my Palestinian brothers and sisters are confined in an open air prison which already breaches human rights and international law. Israel threatened to arrest everyone on board and divert the ships and cargo to Israel but instead, they massacred 9 and injured more than 50 people.

This was the largest flotilla launched to challenge the Gaza blockade and it also carried the most passengers, including at least 27 people from the UK. On the ships were world-renowned individuals such as Author Henning Mankell and Nobel peace laureate Mairead Corrigan-Maguire, veteran activists, authors, film-makers, politicians and journalists from Europe, the Middle East, the US and Canada and also some friends of mine.

Since all of this has gone down, I have struggled to sleep.... I cannot think of anything else knowing that people I care about are being hurt and possibly killed. What is going on in this world? In my view we are not evolving, we are taking many steps back, when we allow the killings of innocent people we are entering a place of spiritual deadness, a black hole of despair that only generates more darkness instead of light which is what’s needed in order to create peace.

It’s June 3 now and in the last 12 hours I have received the wonderful news that my friends are OK and on their way back home, but I still feel such anger that they had to experience the horrors that they did, I am very angry actually but now my anger isn’t consuming me, it’s a source of motivation, what has happened on the freedom flotilla is a huge tragedy, it was a crime against humanity and my heart goes out to the families who lost their loved ones, but this tragedy will not stop us, it did not weaken us, it only made us stronger and more determined to stand up for what we believe is right, we will never give up our dream of a free Palestine, we will never stop our resistance to the illegal, unjust Israeli occupation.

One thing I can say that is keeping me going is the outpouring of love from so many people all over the world that have all come out in solidarity to show their support for Palestine and everyone on the freedom flotilla. Here in London for the last few days thousands and thousands of peace-loving people have flocked the streets outside of Downing Street and the Israeli embassy demanding a call for action. I feel times are changing...I genuinely believe that the good always wins...

Rural France

I am loving life at the moment; I am in a blissful state of mind. I'm in a zone right now and i feel great...I'm just meditating, writing, seeing, thinking, feeling, loving, smiling, and everything else that is nice...! I've been reflecting on my time in south Africa, and now that I've been away I see even more what an incredible place it is and how beautiful the people who I connected with there are. I miss Belinda, she is my inspiration...just thinking about her I am able to transport myself back into that incredible energy I experienced...our connection was based on pure love, trust and honesty...we opened our hearts to one another and then Audrey who also touched my heart, she was a true-sister, I had never had a sister who fought for me in the way she did, it was fantastic...she made sure that I wouldn't get hurt...my whole time in Khayelitsha I felt so protected, I really did, I felt that the entire community was looking out for me, Audrey kept saying to me, you have no idea how much the people care about you and how it would hurt everyone if you ever got hurt...I thought that was such a strange thing for her to say but it was true, I could feel it, I felt the love from everyone...there everyone has open hearts and they are not afraid to love & to share their personal life stories with a stranger...but that's because really we are nobody's stranger, we are all connected and we are all the same...

Everyone on this earth has something beautiful within them, sometimes it is easy to see this and other times we may even feel that we can't see anything beautiful at all but that's just because of our own limited perception...Sometimes we only see the darkness of others but even amongst the darkest realities there is always a light somewhere not far just waiting to be inspired enough to catch the first flicker of light...it is in our true nature to want to feel good, our minds automatically will guide us so that we feel good & feel healthy . Our mind understands everything about us in our purest state and will do everything in its power to keep us strong, healthy and happy...but our mind is also sensitive, we affect the actions of our mind, our natural energy, by the thoughts we create, if we fill our minds with negative thoughts, things that make us feel bad, our mind goes in the direction we guide it, we have control over ourselves, our mind helps us just as much as we help it...

Oh sorry I just kind of went on a little rant.......I guess this entry will purely just be a ramble! I haven't had one of those in a while? so I apologize in advance.

Who am I to ever pass judgment on anyone....everyone is only a certain way because of an accumulation of experiences & feelings which have made the behaviour that you perceive to see, we are all on our own path in life. Somebody else's wrong maybe another's right.

We should never push our own wants or expectations onto another human being, why? Because it becomes wasted energy on our part and we get nowhere. Instead we should take our focus elsewhere and allow the connections in our lives to be free, truly free, free from our own wants and needs, if it is a connection where we feel that we are pushing and pulling and when I say this I mean if we are constantly being upset at someone for not being a certain way or doing things in a certain way, we have lost understanding & forgotten that we are all on our own path in life...and instead we are expecting others to be the way we want them to be, we can never force anyone to be any way, we cannot change anyone, no matter what that change you might want to see in someone will only ever happen if that person chooses it and if it is meant to be.

So if you are placing expectations, wants onto someone else, just stop doing that because in doing so not only are you wasting your own natural energy but you are creating such restrictions onto the other person, and connections we make in life are kept through love, it is love that keeps them alive, and if you are creating restrictions onto someone, the freedom that is also needed for love to flow freely becomes nonexistent and love & freedom cannot exist without each other...we have to allow all connections we experience to be free and allow nature to do the rest, to allow each and every person to be who they are meant to be, and if we cannot accept this and still just want the other person to change then we end up placing the other and ourselves in a mental prison.

Sometimes in life we experience connections with people who capture parts of our soul. Sometimes both sides of the connection will experience the same feelings towards each other & other times maybe not. As long as you feel happy and at peace with this continue loving, if it's a situation where you are giving and taking or trying to push your own wants onto this person you must move on because otherwise the love you are giving out becomes distorted because it has become about what you want and that's selfish. Love just to love not because you are expecting anything in return. I choose to love just because I can and anyways I'm just really addicted to that energy!

I'm in such a great mood today, these last few days have been great and it's just going to get better! Lauren comes back today and I can't wait to see her and now the sun is shining and the birds are singing and the sun is shining in through my window calling me to come outside so I will stop my very random ramble and wish you all a beautiful day filled with lots of love!!!!!

Rural France

Being out in the woods is so nice...it restores my natural energy. Whenever I meditate outdoors in those places still untouched by man, those few wild places that still exist, all that purity feels amplified...it is the place where all the doors within are wide open and I return to my own absolute purity in an instant.

Sometimes when I am in these woods I have no thought...I only feel the earth underneath me and all the energy that is being released by all the life that surround me & these are some of my most blissful states of mind...Other times the woods makes me think about our world and all the cycles of life and I begin to think and reason...and sometimes the woods just trigger my imagination and new ideas begin to form and other times it just takes me somewhere completely new but during all of these different experiences I always feel Peace, Joy & happiness.

I have learned that when you pay a little more attention to the details, your entire existence can transform. One of the things that I love to do when I go on my walks is to just listen to all the different sounds that nature creates. What I love about the woods is that there is so much going on if you just listen, here I don’t experience that extraordinary silence of the desert, the woods are filled with sounds... it is as though all of the inhabitants of these woods are rejoicing in anticipation of spring to come into its full glory.

On one of my walks it truly felt like I had wandered in on a very private moment in the life of a tree. The leaves that were still holding on from last fall were in their final stages before being released back into the earth... those leaves now dried up had formed their very own drum circle in that corner of the woods...the leaves had rhythm & were beating in unison with the help of the wind.. the sounds reflected the music of a celebration...a celebration of an end and a new beginning...they did not weep at the end of a cycle instead they made music...Observing this I couldn’t help but think how beautiful it was, and how amazing it would be if all of us could do the same too... if all of us could learn to truly celebrate each moment that we experience...

I just can’t get enough of all the different sounds I hear when I am out in the woods. In the woods the slightest sound is amplified by a million and each sound triggers many more...My favourite sound of all though comes from the trees. I love when I hear the creaking sounds from the trees...it reminds me of certain memories I had as a child sneaking into a room while someone lies asleep and trying to walk past them and no matter how gently I walk or how quiet I am it doesn’t stop the floor from making the same exact creaking noise that I hear out here in the woods...

The wilderness truly is a place where your imagination can go wild. On another walk of mine my focus was on the vines, and it made me see that even amongst nature there are those that zap the life out of each other, only caring about their own survival, I have known people like that in my own life...I used to call them energy vampires or energy suckers. Here in the woods they are the vines who suffocate the trees, shadowing them forever in darkness.

The vines are always reaching for the top without a care in the world of who they hurt to get there and here looks are deceiving because to me the vines are beautiful...the intricate spiralling designs they create...the vibrant colours of green they give out...you want to love them yet they are toxic to so many other life forms and we all know that holds true amongst human beings...the vines to me have made me think about the type of person who on the outside seems to be amazing but when in truth they are selfish and only care about themselves...willing to hurt anyone as long as they are ok...they are soulless...beautiful on the outside but ugly on the inside...

After some time spent pondering the life of a vine, I began to think about the trees again. Trees are always so relaxed. They are free. No matter what goes on they stay relaxed...trees withstand all obstacles...even being suffocated by the vines... even being cut down they would still be relaxed and at peace... Trees are wise...we can learn a lot from a tree...they radiate so much energy...it is never not radiating energy...it is always at its full potential...it doesn’t push or pull...it just is at all times...trees give us energy and energy is life...trees are selfless, patient and powerful.

I am free, just like we all are. I am an observer of life and humanity...first I feel everything intensely because it s the only way for me to understand but once I have a new understanding then I take a step away and become an observer...otherwise I don’t feel free and I become too involved which serves absolutely no purpose for anyone and I begin to lose sight of my self...nature restores me...nature clears my mind, releases my thoughts...nature cleanses me from within.

What differs from a human being and a tree (other than the obvious) is that as human beings we have been given the gift of analyzing and reasoning...the tree is always in the purest state of mind...we on the other hand have ‘unlearn’ so many things, and become aware of our own true nature, the person we are free from fears and restrictions & gain new understandings of ourselves before we can experience the peaceful and blissful state of mind of a tree.

My world feels so beautiful...I am living my dream...I just go where the wind takes me...sometimes a place may make me stay for a while such as several months or sometimes just a brief moment...this I have no control over...I only understand these things when I am in the particular moment and depending on however I feel in that moment. My heart shows me my next move...I trust myself and have faith in the universe that I will always be exactly where I am supposed to be in any particular moment.

Been thinking about love again. I follow love...I go wherever I love...Love is everything to me...love is happiness...love is an accumulation of all the things that make me feel good in life. Maybe everything I’m doing is all about finding absolute true love, what if that is my driving force? Maybe I would actually love to make that connection with a guy where the connection is so empowering that I cannot leave, that it changes the way of my wandering nature & makes me want to stay in one place...who knows, I guess that’s something I will never know for certain until I have that experience myself but until then I will stay a wanderer, seeing the beauty in each moment & following the love I feel in my heart openly and freely...Life is the beautiful unknown.

Be Light, that is all...don't make yourself feel heavy...whenever we have heavy thoughts all we need to do is just change our perception just a little bit and see that we don't have to make ourselves suffer... We can change that feeling easily, we have absolute control over ourselves & all we have to do is let it go. When we have heavy thoughts we put ourselves in some sort of hole that begins to cave in a little more with each thought we have, it becomes this strange repetitive thought process...

Each thought we have forms a strand in the infinite amounts of different streams of consciousness; they all make up our own thought processes which create our very own reality. Externally they become our expression of the world around us. Each thought we have is formed by our purest state, each thought we have is formed from within, it is a spark that flickers from the depth of our being...it is our internal flame which wants us to create...now depending on how you express your feelings, depending on your own view of the world, this flicker will set in motion a feeling which will lead you to another thought and so forth...this is where we see our behaviour, how we react to things around us. If your thoughts are filled with negative energy meaning if your thoughts trigger feelings of despair, pain, anger, fear, hopelessness etc the energy you are creating out of your very own purity becomes distorted and your natural energy becomes suppressed.

When you fill your world with this type of energy, if it is not understood you will create tensions and the energy that is meant to flow from within us outwards, becomes stagnant energy that stores itself within our energy field and on a physical level this tension presents itself to us in our physical body through our own aches and pains, this discomfort is our natural self/higher self trying to make you take notice, to wake up so to speak, these discomforts aren't anything to fear or worry about, they are just like little alarm clocks reminding us to take notice and to just bring some new energy into our being.

Sometimes people become afraid of letting go of certain thoughts, even if these thoughts are negative and make the individual feel heavy, sometimes people get trapped in wallowing or they feel they deserve to feel bad and become trapped in their own feelings of guilt. I know all about that one, I used to do that all of the time because I felt I had no control over my life. It really boils down to understanding our emotions and the effect they have on us.

Negative thoughts trigger negative emotions which become restrictions & I think that whenever we feel restricted, or feel any type of discomfort it's because of a lack of understanding, there is something within us that is yearning for our attention but we refuse to do so, we try to run away from our own truth, we don't want to see things in another way because the thought of that can create many fears within us and instead of accepting that it is time to create change we go on pretending and maybe begin to make excuses because anything is better than having to step into the unknown.

But this is where the biggest misconception of all comes in, people are so afraid of the unknown, people tend to immediately see the unknown as the place where all bad happens it's like the human race has become hard-wired to always see the bad first, so many people have become cynical. Some people get caught up in being in a comfort zone, even if that comfort zone isn't a good one, it's still been there long enough for that person to have grown accustomed to it, it's a state of complacency...we become on some sort of auto pilot, repeating the same things over and over and over that it actually becomes painful for the ones around you to have to see.

This world we live in is such an amazing place; it really is but only if we choose to see it that way. There was a time in my life (my early-to mid-twenties) where I didn't think that way at all, and all I could see was a world filled with despair, I focused on all of the bad things and carried the weight of the world on my shoulders, I used to feel guilty when I was happy when I knew that others were suffering, so in my past, I used to be angry because it was the only way I felt I could show compassion. I'm not talking about being a little angry, but being extremely angry at all the injustices of the world & I genuinely thought it was ìcoolî to be angry.. But I just want to make one thing clear, I'm not saying that we shouldn't get angry, anger can be a great emotion, it can fuel us to create change but only if it doesn't control us. For me my anger controlled me and I wasn't doing anything productive, I was just becoming more & more angry oh and very bitter...and it turned me into having a very cynical outlook of the world.

Nothing in my own life felt like it was going right, looking back now I can see that the way I reacted to things in my external world was through anger but on a personal level I worried about everything. My existence was based purely on my worries, fears and anger. I felt that everything I did was destined for failure, disaster, & I felt stuck. It felt like everything around me was falling apart. It felt like with each step I took forward, I took 4 steps back. It was a tiring existence. The reason why nothing went right for me was because I had no understanding of my true nature and the way my own emotions affect me. It wasn't until I became aware of myself that my whole life changed, all the worries and fears I had lived so long with just began to disappear.